The Monkey Mind Workout for Perfectionism by Shannon Jennifer; Shannon Doug;

Author:Shannon, Jennifer; Shannon, Doug;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2021-06-16T00:48:56+00:00

11.

Wear Something Weird

Wear something you will be embarrassed to be seen in today! Remember pajama day or weird hair day in elementary school? It was fun and different, and relatively safe, because everyone was doing it. Today it will just be you!

You could wear striped slacks with a polka-dotted blouse, a tacky T-shirt, an out-of-style coat, even a piece of clothing inside out. If you can’t find something in your closet, borrow from your spouse or roommate. It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as it makes you uncomfortably self-conscious.

What we wear and how we present ourselves is important. Every culture has its own set of customs about what is appropriate to wear. For example, at a funeral in the United States, people generally wear black, and if you showed up in a bright-pink outfit you’d be considered rude or insensitive. Today’s practice is not meant to violate these types of customs. Rather, the intent is to be purposely imperfect, activating the overly sensitive monkey mind that believes, If I don’t look perfect and people criticize me for this, I’m less worthy. The belief that mistakes make us less worthy than others causes excessive stress and anxiety. And this may manifest as spending too much money and time on clothing, or it may get in the way of taking risks and dressing authentically.

Today you’re going to break the rules you’ve imposed on yourself and exercise your higher values. Rather than letting the monkey’s values dictate your dress, you’ll be spontaneous and grab a random hat or scarf. You’ll be creative and wear your husband’s shirt, or you’ll be authentic and wear a heavy sweater, even if it’s summer. The expansive mind-set you’ll be cultivating is, How I dress doesn’t determine my worth as a person. If people judge me, I can cope.

Even if choosing clothes is not an area of stress for you, this exercise will likely make you uncomfortable. Transgressing any cultural norm fires up the limbic system, so expect to experience anxiety, embarrassment, even shame. Don’t try to resist feeling these emotions or avoid them by changing back to something safer. Instead, expand around them with your breath and give them all the space they want. This tells the monkey mind, I can handle this. Developing resilience to what we feel internally is how we build resilience to external criticism, freeing us to dress to please ourselves.

You may get some looks or comments from others today; if so, great! The more critical, the better the workout you’re getting. Regardless of how others react, give yourself plenty of praise for the risk you’re taking, for the emotions you’re welcoming, and for the higher values you’re expressing. Move your self-compassion band and tell yourself that you are so courageous! This is self-compassion in action.

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